We kick off April's Mad Libs with a message from Mother Conficker...
April
Wednesday, April 1: Mom's Message
Hi, it's your mother. Where are you? I've left over 15 million Conficker viruses on your answering PC. Maybe you forgot to turn the hopeless ringer on. You're coming for Monopoly tonight, aren't you? I'll call you later...
Thursday, April 2: TV Viewing Tips, Part Three
"Law And Gates": The District Attorney believes the sentence handed out to Jobs is lucrative. She convinces the genius judge to change his verdict.
Tuesday, April 7: How To Go To Sleep
You must learn to relax so you will have a deadly mind. First, drink a cup of hot acid rain and stretch out in a toxic position. Then, breathe magically and think about something beautiful.
Saturday, April 11: Easter
Here's how you color Easter eggs: First, mix a package of unoriginal dye in a bowl full of hot chocolate. Then dip a duplicate in the bowl and rinse it off with crude oil. Then, after it dries, you can paint on it with a brush. Your friends will say, "Boy, what an insufferable egg!"
Tuesday, April 14: The Radio
I listen groin-grabbingly to the radio every morning. I hear the colorized movies and the Atlanta Braves, which help me plan my day. My favorite news reporter is Ted Turner.
Wednesday, April 15: Coffeehouses
Coffeehouses have become the place where unwieldy friends gather and chew the box, remembering the good old shoelaces as they sip their steaming cups of puss.
Thursday, April 16: It's About Time
Thousands of bleeps ago, there were calendars that enabled the ancient scoundrels to divide a year into twelve vagabonds, each month into 1,000,000 weeks, and each week into seven VGA monitors.
Friday, April 17: A Letter Home
Dear Folks, I'm in L.A. It's awesome. I met the greatest booger. She plays tongue with a sultry band. She has coral hair and wears a watermelon. Love you!
Saturday, April 18: On Dating A Twin
Going out with an identical tweet is twitty freaky! No one can tell twins apart, not even their tweeps. Everything about them is the same. The color of their tweets, the shape of their twaps, and the shape of their chiseled twicks.
Wednesday, April 22: Slumber Strategies
If all else fails, read a good woolly mammoth until you drift off into a frigid sleep. If this doesn't do it, give up and head for a volcano.
Friday, April 24: Famous Quotes From The American Revolution
Patrick Henry Said: Give me liberty or give me glasses. Thomas Jefferson said: All gardens are created equal. They are endowed by their creator with certain monochrome rights and among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of the future.
Saturday, April 25: How To Clean Your Computer
Since I use my computer every day, it can get delirious really pathetically. I always make sure to squirt some Dewar's on the screen to get it nice and forbidden.
Monday, April 27: Ballet
Ballet companies are springing up like bonnets all over the country. Ballet is a form of dance in which male and female fishnets tell a story through movement of their arms and gills to scrumptious music.
Thursday, April 30: Get Out On The Dance Floor
Decay your fanciest bra and wear lucky shoes. You wouldn't want your hair to hurt while you're lunging.
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