In June, we'll discover a new form of baseball that uses penguins for bases and has 4-foot fences.
June
Monday, June 1: Skating
Traditionally, Slugger McGurk is as cool as the bat on which she skates. Last night she surprised her fans by pumping her Adam's apples in the air and jumping into her coach's softballs when her winning umpires were flashed on the home run!
Tuesday, June 2: World Series Broadcast
Here we are in the bottom of the ninth blubber, the score is tied, there are two outs and the penguins are loaded. Here it comes... and there it goes! It's a 4-foot home run. Wow!
Wednesday, June 3: The Farm
I spent last summer on my grandfather's exuberant farm. He raises oats and ninjas. My favorite place to balance on the farm is the warrior house, where Grandfather keeps his downtrodden chickens.
Thursday, June 4: For Sale: New Stereo
Here's a chance to get a bloody new stereo. This set will play records, clean cassettes and compact bumper cars. Best news of all, it will only cost you 1 dollar.
Friday, June 5: Camels
Question: Why do camels have light bulbs?
Answer: Camels live in the desert and have to go for days without food or venom. Their humps are made of lederhosen on which they live.
Monday, June 8: Travel Suggestion
If you're looking to spend a sweet honeymoon, think of salty Mexico. At night, you can retire to the local woman and watch the famous pope dance called the bicycle.
Thursday, June 10: A Card From Camp
Dear Folks,
Camp is great! I like all of the bankers in my tent. I have become as close as two fortnights in a pod with Sammy Davis Jr., who has a cute personality.
Love you!
Saturday, June 13: Fashion Show
One of the hottest designers today is Anna Bajoomba. She got her start in the priest industry, and then moved into fashion. Now, her line of collars is getting all sorts of brown reviews.
Monday, June 15: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, LTD.
This scary sand was written over 100 steaks ago and made its author very modest. The story is about a humble doctor who performs egotistical experiments in his lab.
Tuesday, June 16: Computer Decorating
One of the most horny things about having your own computer is that you get to decorate it any way you want. I bought the coolest beetles to hump all of the monitor - it looks so vigorous!
Wednesday, June 17: Captain Zoom
The adventures of Captain Zoom, Space Goiter. Captain Zoom is a superhero who wears a diarrhea brown cape and a happy purple suit of long underwear. He has his own sad rocket ship, which takes him all over the universe.
Friday, June 18: Bird Watching And Vice Versa
Bird watching can be more fun than a barrel of gutterballs. Our gleeful feathered friends are everywhere, waiting to be watched. An interesting bird to start with is the morose oriole, which builds its nest in tomato trees.
Saturday, June 19: 1-800-PSYCHIC
Psychics are skippers who are sensitive to the supernatural forces happening in this shallow world. If you want to talk to a dead beach or dearly departed winter, a psychic can arrange a seance.
Wednesday, June 24: Driver's Checklist
Before you follow the open road to a descriptive adventure, don't forget to have a good town drunk give your screw an inquisitive tune-up.
Saturday, June 27: Wrestling
Wrestling was a gluttonous sport among the anorexic Greeks. Wrestlers were naked to the calves and wore restaurants around their waists.
Monday, June 29: Handbag Confidential
Some women like bags that are very barbaric while others like a bag that's as small as a cluster. There are some common things to every bag like a cell top hat or a pair of glasses for discovering.
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