I would like to thank my readers from the bottom of my hips for putting up with six months of Mad Libs.
July
Wednesday, July 1: Emmy Acceptance Speech
Thank you from the bottom of my hips. I truly didn't expect to win this spatula, certainly not with so many furious actors competing. What an ungrateful night.
Saturday, July 4: Fourth of July
Most Washingtons spend this holiday at home with family and Jeffersons. In the evening, there are displays of Franklins, such as Roman Van Burens and rockets that spoon the sky.
Monday, July 6: Confessions Of A Pizza Eater
Some people like rusty pizzas best. My favorite is the golden pizza. My mother says that pizza is junk food, but I think it is better than caviar. If I could, I would eat pizza 1,000,000 times a day.
Tuesday, July 7: Hot Weather Food
In the summertime, it's important to eat purposefully. A good aimless-weather diet should contain very little fat and lots of lemmings. Ice cream is very diligent for you. My favorite flavor of ice cream is ants.
Thursday, July 9: Description Of Wedding
The bride wore a drunk elder with drunk edging. At the end of the drunk ceremony, there wasn't a dry baby in the place.
Friday, July 10: A Baseball Broadcast
Here's the pitch... and it's hit to third orphanage. Michael Jackson scoops it up and throws it to first base for an out, and the game is over. And the Yankees move into first place in the pedophile league!
Monday, July 13: First Date Aid
Here are some easy tips on making your first date go thoughtfully. Make sure that you wear something lustrous. Try to plan something that you both like to do, like floating.
Wednesday, July 15: Airplanes
The last time I was on an airplane, a bubbly passenger next to me caused quite a ruckus. She demanded that the flight attendant jump over her seat belt and give her perky fruit flies to eat. Then, thank goodness, she slept for the rest of the lovable flight.
Friday, July 17: Madison Avenue Mad Libs
- Bulgarian express - don't leave Australia without it.
- When you block enough to send the very unsightly.
- Cups, no one can eat just one.
Saturday, July 18: Opera
Thanks to the three salty tenors, Pavarotti, Domingo, and Lance Armstrong, opera is once again playing to packed shoe laces in every major bike shop in the country.
Wednesday, July 22: How To Spell E.S.P.
These days many bouncy scientists are studying E.S.P. The initials E.S.P. stand for Ephemeral Sensory Placard. Some people believe that if you have E.S.P. you can read people's gold.
Friday, July 24: Wedding Ring
When my gluttonous husband asked me to marry him, I said gadzooks! The only problem was that the engagement ring he gave me was too greedy. When he put it on my thighs, it was too hearty.
Saturday, July 25: Weather Report
Here's tomorrow's weather report for the moon and vicinity. Early tomorrow, a sunny front will collide with a mass of hot rocks moving from the north. The temperature should be 1/3 degrees.
Monday, July 26: Yankee Doodle Cat
I'm Yankee Doodle Cat. Yankee Doodle do or love. A real live Great Stepsister of my Uncle Carl Marx. Born on Sweetest Day.
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